Archive for the 'Personal' Category

Hello again! So, how did I lose 80 pounds over the last year, you ask.

The new Ben at his secret outdoor fitness center.

The new Ben at his secret outdoor fitness center.

It’s about time for me to get back on this.

Over the past year or so, I’ve made a lot of changes for myself.  Physically, mentally, spiritually - I’ve slowly revamped the way I do things.  In the process I’ve learned more than I could’ve ever imagined.  This process, though, is only beginning.  So this writing is by no means the marker of a conclusion or an end of a road.  It is, rather, an attempt to share with you some of the intriguing nuggets, tidbits, and factoids that I’ve found along the way.

The most visibly noticeable result of this life-revamping is the weight I’ve lost.  Since last spring, I’ve shed about 75 pounds and lots of folks have asked me about how I’ve done it.  Here ya go…

Firstly, the technical formula is incredibly simple:  To lose weight, burn more calories than you take in.  In a nutshell, that’s all you’ve got to know to get started.  Implementation, of course, presents a set of challenges, which I’ll address below.

For me, the performance comes down to three main areas of focus (in no particular order):
1. Dietary
2. Physical
3. Mental

I’d be willing to be that a majority of unsuccessful weight-loss ventures fail due to one or more of these facets being overlooked.  The truth is, I believe, that nothing sustainable can be achieved without equal emphasis placed on each area.  One cannot stand alone; two cannot stand without the third; the success of one is directly related to the implementation of the other two.  Think of the whole as a three-legged stool.  Each leg has to be the present at the same length as the others.  If one leg is longer than the other, the stool is wobbly.  If one leg is removed, the stool will not stand.

So…  As I write this, I realize that it might be overwhelming to put all this information in one enormous post.  I will expound upon each of these areas greatly in subsequent posts.  First, however, wrap your brain around the formula:

To lose weight, burn more calories than you take in.

Easy, right? More soon…

Eliminating the Non-Essential

The last month or so has been slow. At least as far as “work” goes - that is, official, solicited jobs that add some money to my meager bank account. And much of that has to do with my own preparation, I’m well aware. I embedded so much of my mental energy into last basketball season that I neglected, to my own detriment, to adequately prepare for the coming summer.

That said, I’m not terribly worried. In fact, this open summer is a grand opportunity.

I’m continuously honing a plan for 2010, one which includes a studio, a revamped and reenergized Organic Exposure Photo, and a more focused approach to storytelling, meaningful photography, and freelance work. So keep your dial tuned right here for updates as they happen.

As I’ve grown as a photographer, one thing I’ve come to find is that I have a hard time being satisfied with a photo unless it’s supported by concrete meaning. Really, this goes for anything I create. A photo, a song, a poem, a paragraph.. if it’s only fluff, if it’s there just for the sake of being there, I generally hate it. For this reason, I’ve grown increasingly bored by flickr-style photography. That’s not to say, know you, that I disapprove or necessarily dislike this pretty-photo-pursuit. For the record, flickr was undeniably instrumental in inspiring and crafting me as a photographer. The people, the photos, the community, it was all invaluable. (Of course, that was back in the day before Yahoo, before Getty, before video and all that community-killing BS. Ah, the good ol’ days.) Ultimately, however, I am no longer completely satisfied with a photo unless it is a tool in the pursuit of a larger goal.

Years ago, a good friend of mine, Lamar, gave me some of the best photography advice I’ve ever received. “When I am about to take a photo of something, I think to myself, ‘what do I want to say about this thing’? If I’m shooting a flower, I try to figure out what makes this flower important to me.”

More and more, I’ve tried to implement this philosophy in my own work. Now, if I’m walking with my camera through town, my goal is to minimize the frivolous photos. I try to continuously ask myself why I care about a particular shot or series. If I can’t come up with a good answer to that question, I don’t shoot. And all in all, it feels much better. The work I do produce is less clouded by superfluousness. And really, this philosophy works well in the rest of my life also. By working to eliminate the superfluous and non-essential, I create for myself an environment that is much richer, much purer, much more satisfying.

As a result, I’ve been working on a few projects that attempt to use my skills - photography and other - as tools in the pursuit of a larger goal. At this time, I’m working particularly intensely on an ever-evolving project with my good friend, Phil Bailey. This project is a part of a larger undertaking that’s been floating around my mind for a while, involving persons who I greatly admire. “Heroes” is the working title. In lieu of a verbose description of the project (as I said, it’s ever-evolving), I’ll share with you a short audio clip that will become part of the final product.

Phil is an incredibly engaging, sincere, and interesting individual. I am enamored by his stories and I cannot wait to continue to work with him on this project. The audio will be accompanied by photos, eventually. I’ve contemplated making this sort of piece a product available to customers, and in time I think that will come. In the meantime, my time involves work, saving money, enjoying the hell out of the summer, and continuing to search for meaning in all that I do. I recommend all the preceding to each of you. Enrich your life. And drink lots of coffee.

Peace.

Revelations and Such

Long time no blog.

Life seems tense these days.  It’s a combination of things, I think.  Much of my stress comes I believe from the general undertone of worry being felt in this country these days.  Just as economic troubles seem to propagate themselves, so does the bad mood that accompanies them.  I’m feeling it.  Additionally, my chosen field - media - issuffereing a doubly intense period.  For the media business, the paradigm is mid-shift.  And it’s painful.  I’ve been anticipating this shift for several years now just like many, many others.  The problem these days, I believe, is that so many of the folks who actually run things in this business didn’t anticipate this inevitability.  As a result, things are pretty much chaotic.  Of course, the debate on why the media business (especially print media) is suffering so much is well documented and ample, so I won’t dive too much into detail.  As it stands now, I am certainly feeling the pressure.

I wholeheartedly believe that this business - the business of storytelling, truth-searching, accountability - will survive and flourish once again.  It will be different in form, but essentially, the purpose will be the same.  The need for journalists, be them writers, photographers, radio anchors, has not diminished at all.  In fact, we need them more than ever in this country.  And I think that we’re beginning to see the resurgance in the demand for our leaders to be held accountable, as well as the demand for the telling of stories.  It’s apparent to me in the way that President Obama has been thoroughly criticized (though not necessarily maliciously) even at a time when many people believe beyond doubt that he is perfect for this country at this time.  Perhaps it’s a result of years of inaccountability and social complacency, but whatever the impetus, it’s undeniable that there are people out there who want to keep a close watch on what’s happening.  This is a good thing.  Though empty criticism and sensational outbursts of thoughtless malice (see: Fox News) is totally unneeded, real, true, pure journalism is absolutely needed.

At this point, there is no shortage of folks who want this pure journalism.  The problem is that the new pool of concerned citizens aren’t particularly schooled in the art of non-biased investigation (see: Huffington Post, Daily Kos, CrooksAndLiars, etc.).  I do believe these types of media have a place, but they should not take the place once held by newspapers.  Admittedly, I subscribe to some of these blogs and read them quite regularly.  Though unfortunately as the demise of newpapers continues to progress, I am more and more discouraged by the fact that some of these outlets, particularly Huffington, claim to fill newspaper’s slots.  It is utterly impossible for a company like Huffington Post to produce pure journalism while continuing to embrace a voice of purely non-journalistic timbre.  In a case like this, every “journalistic” piece is tainted by the residue of bias and agenda, thus stripping it of its legitimacy.  Subsequently, Huffington Post, et al. and Fox News really are hardly different in journalsitic legitimacy, they simply appeal to different demographics.  This is why we need what we used to have with newspapers.

Like I said, the debate on how to revive this function is copious.  Nobody really knows exactly how to proceed.  But I am confindent that one day in the not too distant future, we’ll see it again, revived, more mature, and as vital as ever.  The simple fact that this conversation is now very audible is encouraging to me.

So, me….

In the meantime, I’m struggling just like anyone else with how to make it through the shift.  I’ve seen a substantial decrease in work and compensation.  Finances are as tight as ever.  And like everyone else, I’m not only struggling with how to keep my wallet stocked, I’m also struggling with how to maintain positivity in my attitude, my mood, and my spirit.  And it’s not terribly easy.  I am susceptible to despondency.  The energy I require to keep myself up is great.  That said, it is absolutely worth the work.  I’ve returned recently to a few truths, a few constants, a few eternal verities.

Recently I learned that a friend of mine who also works in the media business (television) had lost her job as a result of company-wide layoffs.  Though I’ve gotten used to hearing about broad layoffs like these in this industry, I was frankly surprised to hear that someone like her - young, passionate, dedicated, and immensely talented - had been laid off.  I sent her a message in hopes of offering some sympathy and encouragement.  In the course of writing my message, I stumbled across something that I realized I should personally be fighting each day to implement:

“I believe that now is a great time to take stock of our blessings, invest heavily in our friends, and get a return on something beautiful like a summer evening or a springtime sunrise.”

These sorts of things happen when I write.  Even in the form of a brief facebook message, writing for me isn’t so much about creating as it is about finding.  (More about that here.)  So when I found this little nugget, it marked somewhat of a revelation for me.  I’ve consequently reconnected with a part of myself I’d more or less abandoned in the past few months.  Namely, I’ve done things like hike, enjoy the sunset, listen to the wind, sit on the edge of the river alone and write.  I’ve turned on some music that I’d let lie dormant for a while.  Acoustic stuff, soulful stuff, the kind of music that is born of those organic, eternal verities.  Right now, I’m listening to “Driftless” by one of my favorites, Greg Brown.  The ethos of this rediscovered philosophy is perhaps best encapsulated in this haiku I wrote while meandering around the river yesterday:

Touch things.  Walk on things.
Experience the sunset.
It doesn’t last long.

So, for what it’s worth, that’s that.  I actually intended to write something today about what projects I’ve been working on, what work I’ve done recently and such.  I’ll do that soon.  For now, though, I guess that it’s appropriate that my writing is about this deeper, more prevalent project - that of figuring out how to live.  I’ll finish with an excerpt from another poem.

Life
its decay, its perpetual forgetfulness,
its breath, so pure, so fleeting
moves timelessly
for time is only ours
and meaningless to god.

Your coffee, our dreams

Come
beside me fly a moment
North, up, away from moments
stuck, forth, we’re only listening to
rules that whisper and grin,
flicker and then recede.
Be a breaking force against the
course followed, straightening for
the souls swallowed, distilled, in
stillness perpetual, inevitably
still uninspired.
Be apparent, live alive
or lie and die -
a corpse with blood and breath.
Come and with me
move, exist persistent,
restraint-free
You, me, your coffee, our dreams.

It sure isn’t the same

“It sure isn’t the same not having you to cry with,” she said in a text message.

It was around 1:00 AM on a Wednesday night.  I was in Boone, North Carolina, she in Washington D.C.  I assumed she was lying on a bed in a hotel somewhere near the Capitol, but it was equally possible that she was at a bar with her father and sister, or perhaps standing outside a restaurant on a cold D.C. street.  My body tightened when I read it.  Suddenly, and with absolutely no forewarning, I felt a deep sense of sympathy, perhaps the way a mother feels when her daughter wakes her after a nightmare.  I wanted to be there for her now.

I wanted to hold her.  And wipe away her tears and reassure her like I know only I can.  I wanted to be there.  “I’m so sorry darling.  How can I help you?” I responded.

She was sad.  Nothing bad, she said.  Just sad.  I felt infinitely too far away.  I couldn’t help.

“Love you,” she said.
I responded.  “Love you too.  I miss you.”
“Miss you too.” she said.

I had nothing else.  If I were close, I would have put my hand on her arm and squeezed gently, perhaps stroked her forehead with the palm of my hand, just held her.

I wasn’t close.

——

I sent her a text an hour later.  “Asleep?”

She responded affirmatively by saying nothing.  I closed my eyes and hoped for her.